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回忆

回忆
回忆着当初的美好
想着现在的苦恼
苦涩渗进心坳
无奈苦笑
甜蜜心酸了
心碎不能好
曾想把你忘掉
但只是徒增苦恼
回忆萦绕
疲惫缠绕
生活苦恼
包袱多少
拿不起怎好
放不下怎了
无法逃
只好无奈苦笑

还是一样的问题，楼主没有将写的东西分开段落。楼主知道押韵这很好，但是诗歌不是简单的押韵。就好像古诗题材讲究平仄，如果没有了平仄，仅仅是押韵的话，可以是打油。
建议楼主看点现代诗人的作品，应该会有启发，你很有潜力。
我个人比较喜欢徐志摩。

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苦恼和美好本是一对孪生兄弟
只因成长的途中
取识之差池而致迥异..

美好的守望
必经那——思海苦怅的桥梁
趟过波澜微起的江河
历跌宕起伏之山岖
才能最终见证——美好的本然~

回忆——
也仅仅只是因放下的太少..


拜君文 遂洒
红心如是..